What I've learned about myself this week

Due to my surgery, and various other things that are happening in my life, I've decided to briefly do something different with this blog today.  I'll go back (and catch you all up) on the crazy, wonderful, Zachary filled kindergarten antics next week.  But, for now - here are a few things I've learned about myself this week. 

1) I have a serious addiction to facebook and need a real live life desperately.
2) My tolerance for pain is very high, but my tolerance for annoyances is very low.
3) I eat, even when I'm not hungry, just to have something to do.
4) I'm the worlds biggest procrastinator when it comes to crap that has to be done, but that I have no passion for.
5) I never want a "9 to 5, sitting behind a desk, have to stay there even when you're done because the clock hasn't stuck 5 yet" kind of job again in my life.  But I desperately want to get the kids and I out of the hell we live in today. 
6) Just because I've given up wasting my time arguing with you - doesn't mean I've given up my focus, work and progress toward proving you wrong.
7) I may have lost the ability personally to take someone's giving up on me - or doubting my abilities - and focus everything I have into bettering myself and doing it despite what they have to say - but I damn sure haven't lost the ability to help my kids do it.
8) Chase Miller was right about something.  Once.  He calls it the "Lanie wall."  He says if you're on one side of it, I'll do anything for you - even many times when its in no way deserved.  However, if you get yourself on the other side of it, which takes a lot and lot of doing to get there, you're shut out for good.  I hate being reminded that he was ever right about something. :) But...that wall is alive and well today.
9) I want to be fit, healthy and thin again - almost as much as I want to be independently wealthy and living on a beach.  However, I am currently a bigger pro at sabatoging myself completely.
10) I spend far too much time looking at the time I've wasted than in making changes in the time I have left.  I've become easily defeated emotionally in regards to that as of late.  Five years ago, I became a "glass have empty," kind of girl.  Lately, my "half empty" and "half full" days mostly even out.  However, I really want to become a 100% "half full" kind of girl. 

I am complex, & I can be a whirlwind of contradicition, and today there are many things that I am not happy with - and need to change.  But, I am a bear if you mess with my kids, I am a loyal friend that will be there no matter what, and I am a valuable and worthwhile human being - regardless of what I have left to fix, where I am in the process today, and what the rest of the world - especially those sitting from their better perched positions today - may think about that. 

Back to bed.  Day three after surgery (especially after totally over doing days one and two) is really not the most fun I've ever had, but I'm sure it could be worse. :) Have a great week all!